It’s not “evergreen” on-line to mention dates and current events.
I live in Southwest Florida and Hurricane Irma worked her way through this State less than a week ago…there, I did it!
I know it’s a 21st Century, 1st World problem, but when living in the trauma of no phone, electricity or internet, life becomes stressful. Boarding up our windows, choosing to take in the car with us those very few personal belongings I didn’t want to live without, not knowing if our house would be severely damaged, or gone, when we were able to return…through this process, I’ve discovered that it’s OK to bring yesterday back.
Yesterday is when I walked on egg shells, closely watched body language, focused on tones of voice, and maintained my defenses on High Alert. Yesterday was living totally in self-protection mode.
Yesterday was a long time ago, but its familiar reactions to fear are still there.
I find that very disturbing. I thought I’d evolved further.
Now I’ve decided to give myself a break. It is what it is, as they say.
Fear for protection of myself and belongings is real. It’s natural. I know I don’t like bringing those old emotions of yesterday into my Today.
But, there they were…there some of them remain, about a week later.
For some Florida residents, enduring and surviving Irma is traumatic on a level different from mine, and from other women who have survived abuse.
This isn’t about victimhood or whining. It’s about me discovering how deeply rooted my sense of self-protection is when I’m threatened. This time by Nature, not a physical human being.
This has been eye opening for me!
I have discovered that I pulled back into a shell. I’m not as open and optimistic as I’ve been the past few years. That old fear, those old reactions of yesterday…they are still real and it’s OK to allow their return. It’s healthy to recognize, embrace and release them.
This is a surprising lesson. Once again, something horrible offers a silver lining. It’s validation that there is Good in every thing.
My message is that if you faced Irma, or any other force of nature, allow the feelings to flow through you. Allow the emotions, fears, self-protection of yesterday to be felt.
Re-experiencing the emotions of my past validate that I’ve made the right decision. It’s a relief not to be living, daily, in that self-protection mode any more.
Now that I’ve recognized what’s going on with me, I think I’m able to let go of more of the past; to release those old familiar emotions rather than bury them again in the recesses of my mind, body and Soul.
There’s my Irma Lesson: It’s OK sometimes to bring yesterday back. I didn’t know they were still buried there.
I’m feeling much better now. I think I’ll be able to cry …