“What the heck are you talking about, Mickie??!!” I work 50 hours a week, I am active in community projects, I do all the yard and house work, plus laundry. I also make sure everything is ideal for my husband, pay close attention to his moods and energy, and I spend a lot of time being very quiet when I have to. Choose my life???
As difficult as it is to accept, each of us creates our own life. There’s that dreaded “R” word, Responsibility.
The life you are living now is your choice.
I know you often feel trapped. I know it’s not safe making a change. If you are Figuring It Out After 50, you’ve probably lived this life for 30, 40, 50 years. Yes, he’s mean sometimes, but you feel obligated to stay with him, to be sure he takes care of himself, takes his meds, eats good meals.
I get it.
No matter how abusive he can be, he’s also apologetic, sometimes caring and loving. You still think he’s darn good looking. And, how in the world could you make it on your own financially?
Listen carefully: You are living HIS life, not yours.
“Yeah but, my life overall is pretty good”; “Yeah but, I really like this house and I couldn’t afford to drive as nice a car as I do now”; “Yeah but, my friends and family would be shocked and disappointed if I left”…yeah, but….yeah but.
It’s time to get off the Island of Yeah But. It’s keeping you stuck in an unsafe and essentially unhappy place.
I know it’s difficult to walk away from a big house, a nice car, a solid financial position. Honestly, those are not security, they are traps.
I’m going to suggest the Ben Franklin process: get a piece of paper and fold it vertically down the middle. On the left write “Pros” on the right write “Cons”. List all the good things about your life (Pros), and all the bad things (Cons).
This will only work if you’re honest with yourself. And, it’s OK to take days or weeks to work on the list. As one of my mentors tells me, this is a marathon, not a sprint.
I invite you to go to my website www.FiguringItOutAfter50.com. You can click on podcasts and listen to other women talk about moving from where they were to Who they are…and beyond. There are blog posts to read and articles to download.
Choose today to take a baby step: Choose Your Life. It will be fabulous.